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IrishLad15
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Name: Blaine
Country: United States
State: Georgia
Gender: Male
Interests: stuff like... stuff (good stuff)
Expertise: Being Irish, partying, music, partying, playing guitar and trumpet, partying, movies with friends, partying things like that
Occupation: Student
Message: message me
Website: visit my website
Member Since:
1/24/2006
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| Wazzup, Bitches! U know I still don't know why I'm, doing this page anymore but it's important fur u tu know. I have'nt been actin myself lately, since 2 weeks ago I've been actin awkward and not really me. I got a lot a shit goin down which i won't go into. i don't know how to stop it but I know whats causing it and in a week I'll be bactu fuckin normal. later. (comin back tu the top bitches!) | | |
| A'ight this is ridicolous. I don't tell people about this site So nobody reads this shit and Im finished wasting my time with it. Later! | | |
| These were pictures of my freinds and I at a crazy party ... something about monkeys. Anyway click on the blank spaces to see pics. ( They didn't show up) Worst picture of me ever. I look like a fucking moron. | | |
| Random qoutes from the best comedian ever (mitch hedberg).
Sometimes I wave to people I don't know. It is very dangerous to wave to people you don't know, because what if they don't have a hand? They'll think you're cocky. "Look what I got, motherfucker. This thing is useful. I'm gonna go pick something up."
My appartmnt is infested with koals. it's so much better than cocroaches. As soon as I turn on a light they scatter.I'm like come back I just want to feed you a leaf. Koala bears. They're so fuckin' cute, why do they gotta live so far away from me? We should ship a few over. And I will apprehend one. And hold him. And pet him on the back of his head.
In England, Smokey the Bear is not the forest fire prevention representative. They have Smackie the Frog. It's just like a bear, but it's a frog. I think it's a better system; I think we should adopt it. Because bears can be mean, but frogs are always cool. Never has there been a frog hopping toward me, and I thought, "Man, here comes that frog...I'd better play dead." You never say, "Here comes that frog" in a terrified manner. It's always optimistic, like, "Hey, here comes that frog, all right. Maybe he will settle near me so I can pet him, and stick him in a mayonnaise jar.. with a stick and a leaf.. to recreate what he's used to. And I'd certainly have to punch some holes in the lid, because he's damn sure used to air. Then I can observe him, and he won't be doing much in his 16-ounce world."
I'd like to talk about the differences between bears and frogs—I know it's cliche. Like, if there's a frog around, I don't have to hang my sandwiches from a branch; a frog knows they are for me. He'd rather have a fly, 'cause a fly zig-zags while my sandwich does not... unless I go like this [waves hand back and forth in a zig-zag]... If I want some honey on some toast I don't have to squeeze a plastic frog. There ain't no frog attack prevention pamphlet. "Now if the frog is hopping towards you, do not look the amphibian in the eye. This will incite him."
I order a club sandwich all the time. And I'm not even a member. I don't know how I get away with it. "I like my sandwiches with three pieces of bread." "So do I." "Well lets form a club then." "Okay, but we're gonna need more stipulations." "Yes we do." "Instead of cutting it once, let's cut it again." "Yeah, four triangles." "And we will position them in a circle. And in the middle we will dump chips." "Or potato salad." "Ok." "Let me ask you a question, how do you feel about frilly toothpicks?" "I'm for 'em!" "Well, this club is formed. Spread the word on menus nationwide." "I like my sandwiches with alfalfa sprouts." "Well you're not in the fucking club!"
I want to go fishing and catch a fishstick. That would be convenient. I could easily get a job working for Mrs. Paul's. Just put me in a boat with some boxes and I'll return them to the freezer section of your local grocery store.
I find that ducks' opinions of me are very much influenced over whether or not I have bread. A duck loves bread, but he does not have the capacity to buy a loaf. That's the biggest joke on a duck ever. Like, if I worked in a convenience store, and a duck walked in and took a loaf of bread in its beak, I would let him go. I would say, "Come back tomorrow, bring your friends." When I think of a duck's friends, I think of more ducks. But, they could have like, a beaver in tow. Cause if you're an animal, you want to have a beaver as a friend, cause they have some kick-ass houses. That shit is on the lake. Lakeside my ass, lake on!
I think Pringles' initial intention was to make tennis balls. But on the day that the rubber was supposed to show up, a big truckload of potatoes arrived. But Pringles was a laid-back company. They said "Fuck it. Cut 'em up!"
Peter Frampton is a musical legend, but I don't know any of his music. When you meet a legend, and you don't know their body of work, you have to divert from that fact. It's like: "Hey Peter Frampton... do you like... toast, too? Yes, as do I. It is warm and crispy. And a perfect place for jelly to lay. Now stay away from me, Frampton, I ain't got shit to say to you!"
I get the Reese's candy bar. If you read that name "Reese's", that's an apostrophe S. Reese's apostrophe S at the end of that name. That means the candy bar is his. I didn't know that. Next time you're eating a Reese's candy bar and a guy name Reese comes by and says, "Let me have that," you better hand it over. "I'm sorry, Reese. I didn't think I'd ever run into you. You're a fucking bully, man. Let me at least have a piece."
They could take sesame seeds off the market and I wouldn't even care. I can't imagine 5 years from now saying, "Damn, remember sesame seeds? What happened? All the buns are blank! They're going to have to change that McDonalds song to, 2 all beef patties, special sauce, lettuce, cheese, pickles, onions on a... bun. "What's a sesame seed grow into?" I don't know, we never give them a chance. What the fuck is a sesame?! It's a street. It's a way to... open.. shit. How does a sesame seed stick to a bun? That's fuckin' magical. There has to be some sesame seed glue out there. Either that or they're adhesive on one side. Peel off the backing, place it on the bun. Now your bun will look spectacular!
I want to get a job as someone who names kitchen appliances. Toaster, refrigerator, blender....all you do is say what the shit does, and add "er". I wanna work for the Kitchen Appliance Naming Institute. Hey, what does that do? It keeps shit fresh. Well that's a "Fresher" ...I'm going on break. "
can't tell you what hotel I'm staying at, but there are two trees involved. They said, "Let's call this 'something tree'," so they had a meeting. It was quite short. "How about 'Tree.'" "No." "'DoubleTree'?" "Hell YEAH! Meeting adjourned!" I had my heart set on "QuadrupleTree." Well, we were almost there.
I was walking by a dry cleaner at 3 AM and there was a sign that said, "Sorry, we're closed." You don't have to be sorry. It's 3 AM and you're a dry cleaner. It would be ridiculous for me to expect you to be open. I'm not gonna come by at 10 and say, "Hey, I was here at 3 AM and you guys were closed. Someone owes me an apology."
I tried to walk into Target, but I missed. Damn. I think that the entrance to Target should have people splattered all around, then when I finally make it in the guy will say, "Can I help you, sir?" and I'll say, "Just practicing."
I have an oscillating fan at home; it looks like it's saying 'Noo...' so I like to ask it questions that a fan would say 'no' to. "Do you keep my hair in place?" "Do you keep my documents in order?" "Do you have three settings?" Liar! My fan fuckin' lied to me! Now I will pull the pin up. Now you ain't sayin' shit!"
Xylophone is spelled with an X. It should be a Z. Xylophone ZZZ X, I don't fucking see it. Next time you spell Xylophone, spell it with a Z. If someone tells you that's wrong, say "no it ain't." If you think that that's wrong then you need to get your head Z-Rayed. It's like X didn't have enough to do so they had to promise it more. "Okay, you won't start a lot of words, but you will have a co-starring role in Tic-Tac-Toe. And you will be equated with hugs and kisses. And you will mark the spot. And you will make writing 'Christmas' easier. And you will incidentally start 'xylophone.' Are you happy now, you fucking X?"
I like an escalator because an escalator can never break. It can only become stairs. You would never see an "Escalator temporarily out-of-order" sign. Just "Escalator temporarily stairs. Sorry for the convenience." We apologize for the fact that you can still get up there.
I have a sister named Wendy, and if you asked my sister if I was weird she'd probably say "Yeah." But that's fucked up because she's weird, because she has a husband and two children, and they have a family portrait on their VCR where they are all looking slightly to the left. The camera is right in front of you! But apparently, something happened just to the left -that made everybody happy. But my sister is cross-eyed, so she can't quite pull it off. One eye is right on!
My belt holds my pants up, but the belt loops hold my belt up. I don't really know what's happening down there. Who is the real hero?
Some songs have a special meaning for a man in regards to a woman, but this can backfire because maybe the song had deeper meaning to begin with, but now it's been cheapened... "We are the world, we are the children, we are the ones who make a better life so let's keep on givin'." "Remember that song, baby? The night I fucked you in the pet cemetery?"
This product was available for four easy payments of $19.95. I would like a product that was available for three easy payments and one fucking complicated payment. We can't tell you which payment it is, but one of these payments is going to be a bitch. The mailman will get shot to death, the envelope will not seal, and the stamp will be in the wrong denomination. Good luck, fucker. The last payment must be made in wampum!
drink Orange Juice with Vodka. It's like Vitamin C that kicks your ass!
I wanted to get my teeth whitened, but I said, "Fuck that. I'll just get a tan instead."
Last week I helped my friend stay put. It's a lot easier than helping someone move. I just went over to his house and made sure that he did not start to load shit into a truck.
I wanna see a forklift lift a crate of forks. It would be so damn literal! "You're using that machine to its exact specification! That machine has been misunderstood for years."
Thirteen's an unlucky number. If thirteen's unlucky, then so should the letter B be. Cuz B looks like a scrunched together thirteen. "Hello. What's your name?" "BOB" "Get the fuck away!"
I fuckin' hate arrows, man. It's like, "Fuck you. I'm not going that way .... line... with two thirds...of a triangle on the end." Could you imagine being killed by a bow and arrow? That would suck. An arrow killed you. They would never solve the crime. "Look at that dead guy.... Let's go that way."
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